Message to my younger self

Dear younger me,

I am writing to tell you that you’ll be just fine and that everything will turn out to be alright.

Do not stress about your looks. That zit you see in the mirror, sometime along the way you will stop noticing it. The excess fat on your waist or arms or thighs that you’re trying so desperately to get rid of will hardly be of any discomfort to you. Those stretch marks making a perfect bikini body an impossibility will be worn proudly. You will not magically morph from an ugly duckling into a swan overnight but you will realize that you look beautiful with all your failings and imperfections and that you have been all along. You will walk confidently and wear that body of yours proudly as it deserves.

Do not be anxious about your life decisions. That major you chose because you simply liked it although job opportunities may be scarce would turn out to be the best decision you’ve ever made. That job offer you declined would have added nothing to your career. You did not miss out on a better life when you decided against working abroad simply because you would miss your family and friends too much. You made all these decisions taking into account all inputs available to you at the time. No, you would not have known better. No, you would not have made a different decision if you went back in time. Yes, all these choices made you grow and every single one of them led you up to where I am right now – which I would not change for the world…

Do not surrender to pain and grief. That relationship that brings you down and all those tears you’ve spilt over a broken heart, shattered expectations, lost friendships or a non-reciprocated love would soon be over. Yes you will survive it. Yes there’s a rainbow after the rain. Yes you can be absolutely and indisputably happy quite on your own. You will learn to fall in love with yourself all over again and be content with your own company. You will learn never to shut anyone out and yet to only let those who are worthy of your love in.

Do not allow your heart to harden. Those people who hurt you or try to pull you down, those monsters who wreak havoc to the peace of your soul or that of others, those atrocities you witness on the news or everywhere around you… Let them not impart their venom into your heart. Let not your soul be tarnished by this world’s evil. Do not partake in their atrocities under the pretext that they are common practices. You can withstand their pull. You are capable of standing your ground away from their abyss. The light within you shall guide your footsteps out of the dark labyrinth and you will learn that kindness is bravery in a world of cowards…

There will come a day, not too far from where you stand now, grief-stricken, lonely and confused where the smile will not part from your lips, your heart will fill with song and your mind will be content. Storms may rage outside, thunder may roar but your peace will remain untouched through it all. Yes, such a state of nirvana exists and is within your reach. Give yourself a chance. Give yourself a break. Trust yourself because the divine is within you and will guide you.

Last but not least, do not give up on love. When you reach the point in life where you no longer need another person to complement you, when you feel whole and complete on your own, only then can true love enter your heart. True love is selfless and is not fueled by a desire to fill a void nor is dictated by reason. It is not designed to fill that hollow in you nor to boost your self-esteem. When you no longer “need” someone, you are with them only because you love them, pure unadulterated love.

And one day, when you least expect it, you will fall head over heels for the right person. He will be handsome, he will be brave, he will be thoughtful. He will be everything you have ever hoped for in a person and much more. You will no longer rely on your expectations because he will shatter them for you… He will hold you tight when you need it most. He will challenge your mind and not make it stale. He will support you and push you forward in your singularity and will not try to conform you to the masses. He will respect your space and your decisions and you will include him in them all the more for it.

He is not perfect. No one is. You will know it. You will see it. You will not care. For his imperfections are as imperfectly perfect as yours are to him. Do not be misled, little one, into the false assumption that the greatest relationship is one where both of you never disagree. The truth of the matter is that you will fight but your souls will not be disturbed because no matter how fierce the fight is, it is incapable to touch the safe haven you’ve created for each other within yourselves. And with each dispute solved, you get to conquer yet another enigma from the deep mysteries of your beings with your new-found understanding.

I have found the one whom my soul loves.

And you will too…

Yours truly.